These are complete or incomplete scripts that were not produced for one reason or another

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Buy This Drink -- 3 pages -- written by August Strindberg Jr., 2007 -- PDF (profanity!)
Sick of water? Yeah, guy!!!
Match-Up -- written by Derek, June 2007 -- PDF
A couple in their 30s casually come to the question of who is stronger between them. It's time to d-d-d-duel!
The Basement -- written by Alex Pomorski, July 2005 -- PDF (profanity!)
Alex's epic sci-fi/thriller/horror/action series was slated to star most of the Can of Nothing regulars (at the time) as characters caught in a strange basement after dying. A mysterious monitor speaks to them and sends them out on strange hunts with light sabers. Warning: this is non-comedy, mostly. And part five is like a physics lesson.
Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five
Star Wars Apprentice -- written by Danny Santos -- PDF
Back in our Star Wars fan filming days, our friend Danny Santos decided to write us a script mixing Star Wars and The Apprentice. We just weren't in the mood for Star Wars anymore.
Bad Day For The Batman -- written by Phil, January 2005 -- PDF
The script that started off the first episode of our Batman series! It's the opening scene of the episode, but with some omitted/changed lines, and it's incomplete. We just built off this script.
Cell Phone Haters Anonymous -- written by Phil, October 2006 -- PDF
Just poking fun at a couple of silly reasons for people saying that cell phones are useful. Talked about it for so long but eventually abandoned it for larger projects.
Subcultured: Subchristmas -- written by Derek, December 2006 -- PDF
A Christmas episode that introduces Keith's family, and brings back Dennis! (Jesus). Phil actually recorded the Keith lines for this.
ds Oldlyweds -- written by Derek, September 2006 -- PDF (profanity!)
A cranky old couple takes a drive and bask in angry senility. Meant for The Movies.