Halloween 2001

By: Magus XXIII

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Yeah, so I went out for Halloween again. I'm not a a little kid, but who cares? If people didn't want other people to get candy, then why should they even buy it? Everyone is prejudiced on Halloween. "Aren't you a little too old for Halloween?" Blegh.

Anyway, Halloween definitely sucked this year. I saw the same group of kids everywhere I went. No one was out. My sister's friends didn't go out because they were afraid of anthrax in their candy. Silly, but I thought maybe that's what the other kids were thinking. Oh well. More candy for me! Not really...

I decided to meet my friend at 6:00 PM to go trick or treating. At about 6, I wanted to put on some "blood" to get some kind of costume, but it didn't work out so I ended up going out with a big red fading smear on my face. I then walk to my friends house. Well, it starts out as a walk, then a run, then a walk due to my tiny bit of asthma and weakened legs from hours of sitting in front of the computer during the past few months. When I reach his house (his name is Arek, by the way) his dog greets me, as usual, then a bigger version of Arek comes to the door. I assumed it was his dad. I wait for a while, then we go out. Our route was already planned since Arek had to do some money collecting from his customers. So we start going house to house.

"Trick or treat"
"Oh my! You guys are so big!"
"Eh..."
*candy*
"Thanks..."
"Trick or treat"
"Aren't you guys too big for halloween?"
"Not really..."
"Trick or treat!"
"Where are your costumes?"
"I dunno..."
"Trick or treat"
"What are you supposed to be?"
"I dunno."

And so on, and so on... Arek whips out his little pad sometimes to get his pay. Later on we end up at Michael Prus' house. He's the dude who taught me the whole "TOO BAD!" thing. He's a genius when it comes to idiocy. It was kinda weird when we were there. He was outside playing hockey, then Arek stole his puck. Then we wanted candy, so we tried to steal it because he wouldn't give us any. Then he was yelling at his grandmother. Calling her an idiot or something while she was sitting right there. I doubt that she speaks English, though, because he didn't get into shit for saying those things about her. After our little visit with the Prus-Man, we went across the street to some house because he recommended it. They people ended up not opening their door when we can see that they're home. Then I ate some licorice. Then Arek gave the puck back to Prus. Then we made up some terrorist jokes about planes ramming into neighbourhood houses. It was pretty funny. It was probably around 7:00 by then. Arek had about $30 in his pockets now, and we both had almost a whole bag full of candy. Sweet. Literally.

We did some more trick or treating, and our "trick or treat" started to sound like "trigger treat" which lead to more Taliban jokes. I remember one about Bin Laden and his "brother" Abdul. Something about the planes ramming by accident because Bin Laden has bad navigating skills, then Abdul scolds him for being a bad navigator.

When we finally reached my street, we saw this witch hat on the ground. So I says to Arek, I says "Hey look, at a hat." Then we start kicking it around. Arek tries to make me wear it, but I resist using my ultra supersonic powers. Then the little girl comes back asking for her hat...boy did we feel stupid. After the hat fun, we went to some other dude's house because he was supposed to go out with me but had to go to a hockey game first. He came out dressed as Silent Bob, but was not silent at all. He had these pointless laser-pointer thingies with him. It was fun to shoot the light on people, but it was still pointless. Since it was past 8:00 now most of the folks had already closed their doors to the public. We barely got any candy after that. All of the little kids had gone home and all that was left were the white gangstaz. There was the grade 9 posse, the whores, and the gang-bang group. They were probably the scariest thing out there that night. Silent Bob kept saying he wanted to bang one of those chicks or something, and that led to some yelling at each other as it always does. Teddy then calls Bob on his phone and tells him to come to his house or something. We walk there for nothing. We almost didn't get any candy, but when we did it was crappy candy. Teddy couldn't come out (which was good), but we were promised lots of candy. NOTHING.

I was pretty tired at this point. We decided to walk home and met up with two of the grade 9 posse. I heard them say something about being a 'pedestrian' for Halloween. Young people...they still haven't learned that it just doesn't work that way. Some more stuff happens after this. Bob finds some candy on the ground and takes it with him, then we go home.

Halloween sucked this year, but at elast I got a lot of candy. Mostly bags of chips.