Formula

This little bit below was the brainchild of a person named Dan who worked on the old Can of Nothing before it was...canned. Har har har har har. Apparently he got a little help from a Mr. Toug, who I hear lives in Newfoundland. Only could someone from crazy Connecticut and Newfoundland come up with this. Enjoy.

"Many of you (ok, probably no one) are wondering: Why does nothing have a can? The simple truth isn't very simple. Allow me to explain, since the simple truth isn't very simple. Nothing has a can to keep anything out. Now you see, if nothing and anything were to mix, we wouldn't have nothing. We would have something, wouldn't we? But we don't want something. We want nothing.

"If there wasn't a can to protect nothing from something, we would get anything. As you can see, if anything mixes with nothing, we get something. If something mixes with nothing, we get anything. If anything mixes with something, we get everything. That's why we bought a can. It protects nothing from everything. Everything is anything and something, and we don't want anything and something. We want nothing. The can will protect the little baby nothing from the big meanies, anything, everything, and something. So there you have it folks, the not so simple [simple] truth about the can. Get it?"