ILL Mitch

You may or may not know him, but you should know him. He is the Russian rapping sensation (from Russia!), although that sensation doesn't go any further than the screens of our monitors. From seeing him and listening to one of his songs, I'm guessing that rap has not really hit the shores of the motherland.

Remember the 1980's and early to mid 1990's when rap was still a growing culture? Everything was cheesy as you can tell by popping in that old Fresh Prince and Jazzy Jeff cassette tape, or trying to be "old school" by reciting lines from MC Hammer's "Can't Touch This." Like I said, that stuff is cheese. But what what Mr. Mitch here churns out is moldy cheese thrown in the garbage and then being carried off by some rats so they can feed their families of 26, including Billy, Tommy, Sally, and so forth.

We have the king of rock; that's Elvis. We have the self-proclaimed king of pop; that's Michael Jackson. We have the king of GameBoy, who is the little kid in that Tibetan village from the movie "Little Buddha." Then we have the king of cheese, and he is called ILL Mitch. His music makes my ears ill. But I must admit, he's a better rapper than I'll ever be. I could never come up with such incredible lyrics like:

Look at my helmet wear my vest for speed
When I use the microphone I'm the best you need
I have two side one happy and one anger
You can ask a stranger my board is fast and danger.

That's just too good. I would never ever even think about using improper English! That's where he outsmarts the likes of Grammar Man (me). But it's his bad grammar that makes his music so hilarious. That and his strange voice. It makes him sound like one of those freaky stalkers that calls you all the time on the phone. But if it's ILL Mitch I'll talk to him! How could you turn down a guy who wears a huge helmet like that? He looks like a mushroom turned bowling ball! No other rapper would come up with something like that! But if every rapper did do something like that, I'd be all over rap! Style and fashion seems to be an important thing in the rap world, and ILL Mitch shows this off very well.

He says that he likes to board, punch and rap. Apparently he's supposed to be able to do all three at the same time, but that seems impossible seeing as how the board moves you around all the time. But hey, he's Russian! From reading his web site, it seems that he went to America while Russia was still a communist state. He says "now I am free to do 3 favourite things." FREE! He must be pretty old news by now. But who cares. You're old news! Alright, I have no idea where this feature is going. It's too hard to fully explain ILL Mitch. It's like an orange. You can't really explain its taste because it tastes different to everyone and nirvana is like oranges. Yes.

So check out his site here and his interview here.

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