The Matrix Revolutions

The Matrix Revolutions
By Phil

**Please note this was my initial impression of the film. What I actually think of it now is a lot different. I really don't like it anymore. It was good for its time.**

Well, the movie was spectacular. A great sci-fi film, and a fitting ending to the trilogy. Sure, it was confusing, but that's what the Matrix is. It's just one big book of brain teasers, each harder than the next. It took me at least a year to finally sort of understand what the first film was about. Neo is the one, there's a war between humans and mutants, Xavier and Magneto are old pals, Wolverine's got some weird thing going on with Rogue, etc. Wait... Neo is the one, there's a war, and then...right! Teddy eats a steak and Neo gets Matrix vision. I think that "Matrix vision" is actually just the answers to some weird math test in Japanese. Hence why there are numbers and Japanese characters. Okay, so that was the first movie. Neo could now kill an agent by jumping into him, which he oddly doesn't choose to do in the second film, Reloaded, when fighting 100 of them. I mean, just line them up in a row and pummel them. Bruce Lee Kung-fooey does not work anymore, foo!

So I don't get that movie either. The French guy seems to be of some importance, as he was again shown in Revolutions harbouring the "Train Man." So we've got one refugee hiding another. I don't think it works out well that way, seeing as how the French man almost got killed. Speaking of that scene, what was up with the leather rave? There was someone pinching someone else's nipples! That was weird. I want to know what goes on inside the Wachowski brothers' heads when they give these directions.

Revolutions also continued the whole thing about choices and fate/destiny. Like in Reloaded when the Oracle offered Neo some candy and predicted that he'd take it. But if she hadn't told him, would he still take it? And what would have happened if she said he'd take it and then he chose not to? Doesn't that mean the Oracle was wrong? Whoa. And then in Revolutions, the whole thing with Smith and the cookies. He swatted the cookie plate out of the way and started saying stuff about whether the Oracle knew he was going to do it or not, and that's why she placed it there. But if she hadn't placed it there, then how could he have swatted them? And was she sitting there purposefully, knowing that Smith was going to do something? Whoa. ARRRGH! It's a good thing I have to wear a uniform to school. Having to choose clothes would make me go insane. Did my mom deliberately hang the clothes in front of me so I'll wear them, did she know I was going to make it? What if she didn't put them there, would I still have taken them? Who cares. I'm hungry.

We finally get around to that war between the Humans and machines. It's pretty cool, and takes up most of the movie. It's funny how the humans use machines to fight machines. And that they don't have lasers or anything. I was watching Star Wars Episode 2 last week, and the clone army had these big laser guns that just swept over the baddies. It's like having a giant lightsaber. But, alas, the humans, with all their technology (they gave robots their own minds and ability to create their own city!) still use bullets. It worked for a time at least. But lasers would be a lot better. They wouldn't even need the EMP blast. Just et up some kinda laser shield around Zion, and as soon as the machines come they get wiped out. Simple. But yeah, it's a movie, things have to take a long time. Like Trinity's death! Uh-oh! Spoilers! Too late! Trinity dies. The ship she and Neo are in crash and she falls and gets impaled by these metal rod thingies. She has at least 4 in her, but it took her forever to die. She kept talking and talking and talking. She didn't even show that she was in any kind of pain. Speaking of pain, someone better make a cool Matrix mod for Max Payne 2.

After this some weird stuff happens. Morpheus and gang save the day for a while, Neo goes to the Machine city and talks to this big head machine. I think its the wizard of Oz. Him or Zordon. I know one of them must be out of work by now. Anyways, Neo does his Jesus thing and persuades wizard/Zordon to let him into the Matrix one more time to stop Agent Smith. Apparently, Smith has gone out of control and made everything all different. That's why Neo was granted these out-of-the-matrix powers. Or at least, I think so. From what I understood, Neo and Smith are pretty much the same person, but with different personalities. So if one does something big, the other has to also. You can't just leave part of you behind. It would be an insult to yourself, and you'd stand there yelling "Oooh, diss! I got rox0rd! I sux0rz!" and the old senile people would be staring at you and laughing. Yeah. So Smith takes over everyone in the Matrix, but for some reason only one of the 6 billion+ Agent Smiths fights Neo. The fight was pretty neato. At times it was like Dragonball Z because they were in the air moving really fast, but not really doing much more than that until they reach the ground. It's pretty rainy, which created a cool and funny effect when they did a slow-mo close-up of Neo punching Smith's face. Then they made a crater. Smith grabbed onto Neo and started to pummel towards the ground. It looked like they were hugging. Like they were brothers or something who forgot their parachutes and jumped out of a plane. Then they fought some more, bla bla bla. Smith now has the Oracle's powers, so he foresaw the future and him defeating Neo. He goes on more about choices and whatnot, which was funny, but I really hated it. I'm not going to explain it because I already typed too much and I'm tired. My review is going nowhere. Is this even really a review? Let's to ask the Oracle.

Alright, skip forward in the story, Neo defeats Smith, order is restored, but in order to win Neo had to also lose. This again brings back the whole Neo and Smith being connected at the hip thing. Neo dies, Smith dies. The Matrix resets, Zion has another rave-orgy, and Col. Sanders and the Oracle meet. Apparently the Oracle didn't know what was going to happen and for once took a risk, which is why things turned out different than with the other 5 Neo's. I think everyone is supposed to be free. Sanders said something about that. But it's over. It'll probably happen again. Some new black dude, preferably Shaft, finds the One and repeats the cycle. And this time Neo will be John Travolta, and they'll just play Pulp Fiction to save time and money.